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It’s no secret that relationships take work and lots of it. Humans are imperfect by nature, but even if we were perfect, we’d still be susceptible to change, as we are constantly evolving in our values and beliefs as time goes on. Naturally, this can cause us to stray from our romantic partners, especially if we grow apart rather than together.
The longer we are with someone, the more transformation can occur, and the more likely we are to have differences in opinion. In these cases, doubt can start to creep in, making us question if the person we fell in love with all those years ago is, in fact, the person we love today and will continue to love until death do us part.
We are often told that when we meet “the one,” doubt should cease to exist. Doubt is seen as the disease of marriage, that infects all that was once pure and sacred. However, what no one talks about is how doubt is a completely normal, healthy, and expected emotion – even in our most devoted relationships. Doubt is a part of the human condition. It’s how we’re wired, and its existence is primal – designed to keep up alive in times of trouble. Though, just because our brains kick into a self-protective skepticism every once in a while, does not mean we need to allow these emotions to dominate our lives. We rule our emotions. It is never meant to be the other way around.
Think of your emotions like house guests, and your mind is your living space. Guests enter your living area, usually only once they’re invited in, then you interact with them temporarily, and then they leave. They pass through and then carry on their way. It’s the same with our emotions. We invite them in, even if the guests entering bring us anguish or distress, but then, after we visit with them for the allotted time, we consent to their departure. We do not slam the door in their faces when they try and enter our home, and we do not restrain them when they try to leave at the end of the night. This is the way the healthy exchange was always meant to play out.
When your house guest, Doubt, makes an appearance, let it enter. Let it poke around in your belongings – sniff out your antique collection, contemplate the artwork on your walls, and rummage through your kitchen cabinets. If you don’t allow Doubt to have a satisfying visit, it will just keep knocking on your door. This is what we come to know as spiraling. Let it in, so you can let it out.
When doubt makes its exit, be sure to extend the same hospitality to trust, hope, compassion, and gratitude. These emotions are the cornerstone of love, but they often get overshadowed by doubt. If it helps, trust a situation until the moment you are given a reason to feel otherwise. Bring hope to a cause until the moment you decide you can’t take another step. Show compassion to your loved one until your reserve runs dry. Feel grateful for what you have until you feel you truly have nothing for which to be grateful.
Lastly, be brave, because anyone who has ever been in love knows that love requires unflinching bravery. With such a diversity of house guests floating around in your brain, surely you can’t allow just one to eclipse the rest. Doubt is okay. Sadness, annoyance, and even momentary hatred for your partner are okay. Just remember, that our emotions are here for a visit, and the brighter ones will be back before we know it.
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Photo by Khamkeo Vilaysing on Unsplash
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