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To the person who is fed up with combatting lonely nights, worn down from the demons that keep reemerging, and only days away from surrendering entirely – you are not alone. I promise you, your despair is in good company. Some people are simply better at putting on a show than others. Some people’s filters extend beyond that of their Instagram profile.
It might look like everyone is living their best life, but looks can be deceiving. Photos might capture the sparkle of a two-carat diamond ring on a slender finger that is freshly polished, but you don’t witness the heated arguments, financial struggles, or the disastrous family Christmas between takes. Photos may capture a baby’s toothless grin, but you don’t experience the ear-splitting cries, the poopy diapers, or the sleepless nights. Look closer and you will see that no one’s life is perfect.
Comparing yourself to others will only ever rob you of your joy, so now, look away from them, and take a look at yourself. Your life will never be perfect either, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be brimming with love, health, and happiness. That doesn’t mean you can’t build a life you’re proud of. Chances are, if you’re clinically depressed or perpetually anxious, you might not have the energy to build much of anything right now, and that’s okay. You don’t have to build an empire – but can you try to lay the foundation? Can you lay a single brick on the mortar?
Sometimes a single brick can look like getting out of bed and washing your face. Other times, it’s calling your mom or stepping onto the treadmill. It’s doing anything you can to move forward.
Everything I’ve learned about in my MA program for clinical mental health counseling has taught me that human connections heal – that no matter what situation you’re in, no matter how abysmal, it’s the meaningful relationships we form that give us strength. The only thing I don’t like about this idea is that we must rely on others to “kiss it better,” so to speak. What if someone is suffering from a physical disability that limits human interactions with anyone other than a caretaker? What if someone was estranged from their family or ostracized by their community? Are these individuals doomed for eternity?
I do believe human connection is of major importance, but I don’t think it’s the only thing that brings us strength. We still have our intelligence, our creativity, our humor, and anything else that fortifies us in our darker moments. Connections also don’t need to be formed in the traditional sense, as in with a romantic partner. They can also be formed with animals or online communities. Technology may have made the world more superficial in many ways, but it has also opened the doors to limitless communication. There are virtual support groups now, for example, and therapists that can be seen with the help of telehealth. There are chat groups and virtual events for any and every type of person that exists. If there’s not an online group for you to join, then you can create your own.
These resources are here to help us, because that hopelessness, that detachment, is no way to carry on. Lay one brick today and maybe tomorrow you’ll lay another. Before you know it, you’ll have built an entire shelter and a reason to continue on another day.
Life won’t always feel this impossible. The mornings won’t always greet you with moistened eyelids. Every moment is fleeting, as is the baby’s toothless grin and sleepless nights. Some of these moments are meant to be savored, while others are meant to be forgotten. When you feel deflated, revisit the ones you savored from your better days, and let the ones that no longer serve you slip away into the land of mismatched socks and everything else you lost and won’t hear from again.
The fact that you’re still here is a miracle, and please remember, that every life impacts countless others. If you were no longer here, the world you left behind would not be the same. Humans cannot be subtracted like in simple math equations. Instead, a massive void would ensue.
If it helps, get a pen and paper and write just five things you’d like to do before you die. If you ever feel like life is too much to handle, glance back at this list. Some people refer to this list as a bucket list, but for me, it’s simply a to-do list. Let your to-do list be full of fun and imaginative activities that you can’t leave this world without doing, and start doing them.
Extend your list to include both small and big goals. A small goal might be to volunteer for a cause you’re passionate about, while a big goal could be to write a book. Work towards them, and you just might find that the sadness fades and your smile returns. Consider every completed item a window that you’re adding to your shelter, house, empire, or whatever it is you intend to build.
Do not worry about living large or making every dream come to fruition. Focus on feeling more like yourself. Focus on connecting with others. Focus on your inner joy. Once you’ve achieved all this, your energy will return, and the world will once again be your oyster. But for now, focus on laying just one brick at a time. The rest will come.
**If you need support, please call the 988 Lifeline. You’re not alone.
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Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash
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